26 Nov HEALTHY COUPLE AND SEXUAL WELL-BEING
We spend our whole lives surrounded by messages that claim to give us the solution for everything, without us having to make the slightest effort: how to lose your belly fat, how to be happy, how to be the best in bed, how to stay young forever, how to find the perfect partner, etc…
Unfortunately, life isn’t like that. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but life isn’t about happy sayings that help us find what we’re looking for. Except for hair transplants, there are many things in life that can be obtained without having to get out a scalpel and a checkbook.
I’m saying this for you. If you want to talk about the perfect relationship, then stop what you’re doing and let’s go. Because OK, finding a partner is one thing, but maintaining the relationship is another. One thing is to think that love can do everything, and the other is to actually believe in it.
Love is just a “feeling”. A wonderful, amazing and precious one. The one that makes you poo rainbows and see unicorns all over the place. But that’s just all it is, a feeling. Love doesn’t get up and resolve problems, neither does it talk or make things better for you. Love is something we need to build; love takes risks in order to grow…and for that exact reason, we need a solid base.
And this is where the difficulties arise. This solid base I’m talking about, well you need to build it first…and that’s something I’ll talk about at the end.
Even though I don’t have any magical tricks to tell you about, there are some things we can do to ensure that our relationship is positive, healthy, and mature. But first we have to be aware of several different aspects…
Forget about fairytale love and princes saving their princesses and killing dragons
Life isn’t a chapter of Game of Thrones, even though sometimes it can seem that way. You don’t have to save anyone or be saved by anyone. Falling in love is the first step of the relationship and it’s when everything is perfect, wonderful and amazing. You do everything the other person wants, and you do everything together, simply because you can’t be without each other. This person is perfect for you, and you’re perfect for them! And, of course, the sex is amazing – it’s the best you’ve ever had and you’ve never had it so often! Generally, based on psychology, this period can last for between six months and a year, more or less.
When it’s over, we usually feel a sensation of loss. We feel they no longer love us. Yesterday they wrote me 33 Whatsapp messages and today it was only 29; yesterday they told me they loved me 17 times, and today it was only 15.
You fell in love because it’s natural and everyone does it and you just live it out every day. But you also have to learn from it. Start seeing that person for who they are, and let them see you for who you are.
Start building your love with that foundation. The ecstasy of falling in love has faded, and now you’re starting that journey with the one you chose. Yes, love is a choice – it’s not your “better half” or someone you were destined to meet. You have chosen that person, for who they are and for what you’ve seen in them.
Start showing your romantic side.
After the initial excitement of those first few months of falling in love, we think that somehow the hard work is done, and that we can start to relax. But no, we have to nurture the relationship, we have to pour out our love into it. However, be careful you don’t drown it! Both of you have to measure out that love carefully. And take the initiative – surprise your partner from time to time, and let them surprise you. Keep the spark in the relationship that you’re building.
As men we sometimes think that saying “I love you” six months ago is enough. It isn’t. We like our partner to tell us that they love us. You like to be told that they love you, don’t you? You love to be hugged and to talk together right? Keep telling them you love them! In that way you can build up trust together.
There’s no better way to do that than by talking, communicating and expressing how we are, what we’re feeling, what we need, and what we can offer the other person. This is one of the basic pillars of diverse masculinities.
Less of a man?
You may think that some things in the relationship make you feel less of a “man”. And yet to build a healthy relationship you need to share out tasks and responsibilities. Whether that’s with the children, the daily tasks of living together, personal situations, or family burdens – a healthy couple is a team, and being a team means worrying about how the other person is. The cards are in your hands. This may seem completely obvious, but it’s not easy. It requires large doses of generosity, dialogue, negotiation, and acceptance.
Very often, our daily life and routines leave us with no time or space to look after our partner’s needs. That’s why it’s important to spend “quality time” together. Quality doesn’t necessarily mean doing amazing things together, or having the best plans, enjoying the best sex, or having the best dinners or trips. Sometimes a movie, a walk, a conversation, or spending time in silence together is enough. And all of this is also something that you have to choose to do.
However, there’s also still room for doing things with colleagues or friends, and even for doing things alone and needing a bit of space. That doesn’t mean you love your partner less, it actually means you love them more. These times are necessary – for both of you – and they’ll ensure that, when you’re together, it will be real quality time.
Sex isn’t just what you learned from watching porn
It’s far more than that. It’s pleasure, it’s erotic, it’s a game. It’s fun, it’s love, it’s passion. And sometimes we forget this. We forget that sex requires time and desire, and that you have to spend time and work on it.
Sometimes the desire isn’t there. However, desire can fluctuate with age, worries, stress, food, climate, moods, etc…
Sex is all about playing, learning, and innovating. We worry too much about objectives, and not being able to match up to those big porn stars that seem to have it all.
We forget about ourselves and the person next to us. We’re more focused on what we aren’t than what we are. There are things that are never going to change…but they can improve. And that’s where sex therapy, erotic toys, changing your routine and innovation come in – like MYHIXEL, which helps you control your ejaculation by getting to know your body better.
Discover, together with your partner, all your possibilities, and get to know what turns each other on. Get to know each other’s bodies and desires intimately. And of course, talk about it all. Remember that communication is, without a doubt, a fundamental pillar for you to build a healthy relationship and an exciting and enjoyable sex life.
As I said at the beginning, in order for each of the points above to become a pillar in the relationship you’re building, then you need a solid foundation. But that solid foundation shouldn’t be the relationship, but rather the two people who compose it.
There are three areas we need to work on: respect, patience and humility. We need to work on them in our communication, in our sex lives, and in our daily routines together. And this isn’t easy to achieve. It’s something personal that requires time and effort. But they’re vital tools to help us build a healthy, positive, strong relationship, based on love and affection.
What about you, are you ready to really look after your relationship?